The Purpose of Purpose
The Mystery Behind the Meaning
“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” wrote Fyodor Dostoevsky in The Brothers Karamozov. When we have something to live for we tend to thrive instead of just survive. Sadly, many of the men that I speak with have admitted to just surviving. When talking about purpose, many men say that they are just trying to hold on and make it through another day. Their purpose is to survive the storm they call life. I desire for these men who are just holding on, to step into a deeper purpose and see how the clouds clear and a stormy life becomes one of wonderment, light, and beauty.
Profound Questioning
Do you ever sit and wonder, “What is the meaning of life? Why are we here on this spinning rock of transcendent beauty floating aimlessly in space? What does it mean to be human? What is my purpose for being on this spinning rock? Can I have a fulfilling life without purpose? For what does my inner fire really burn?”
These are questions that often come up when people start to dig deep into their own self awareness and begin their inner work. Many of my clients fumble and fluster when asked about their purpose. And many of the men I work with, choose the low hanging fruit saying that their kids are their life purpose. And there is nothing wrong with that, the development of my children is a purpose for me as well. The question of what is your life’s purpose is such a profound question that most people haven’t spent adequate time contemplating it. However, to get to your purpose, you must first start with knowledge of yourself.
Exercise in Purpose
When working with clients who are looking to clarify their purpose, we usually start with this helpful exercise.
Take out a piece of paper and something to write with.
First take a few deep breaths, trying to clear your mind and connect with your intuition.
Write down 10 things that have heart for you. Your 10 greatest passions. (This might take longer for some than others.
Now, write down 10 things that you are good at. Search deep into the corners and crevices to find these 10 strengths.
Going through both lists, see where there is some overlap and circle those things.
Pick one of the circled items that has the most heart for you and use it to inspire you to volunteer your time with this passion that you are good at.
The reason you volunteer is to integrate your learning with action. Learning about oneself and diving deep into your being is the critical first step, but without integration and implementation, the learning doesn’t become wisdom. Wisdom in knowledge that is lived.
Kendall Bronk says, “Sometimes, just having someone talk to you about what matters to you makes you think more intentionally about your life and your purpose.” That is exactly why I coach.
The Purpose of Purpose
As I went through my life coaching certification course, the teacher would always say, “what is the goal behind the goal?” When someone says that they want $1,000,000, we would ask, “What is the motivation behind wanting $1,000,000?” Knowing the importance of getting to the goal behind the goal, I started to look at the purpose of my purpose.
Purpose is something fluid. It is something layered. You can have more than one purpose at a time and they should all align. Purpose is synonymous with goal. Long-term and short-term goals. For instance, my long term purpose is to continually deepen self knowledge through experience and to serve whenever the opportunity arises. Having this conscious purpose has allowed me to actively help more often than I would have without purpose. There are also short term purposes, like my purpose this week is to surf 4 times. Another short term purpose is to connect authentically with more people in March than I did in February. Or simply, my purpose is to spend more time with my children and wife.
Due to people being intimidated by the vastness of the word purpose, it is prudent to start small. Align your passions with your talents and start there. The word purpose holds a very positive charge and some humans are not strong enough to hold it yet. Unfortunately, these same humans also lack direction and confidence. A purpose, no matter the size or weight, gives you a plan of action where you can put your best energy into something. It doesn't matter if you achieve your purpose or you change your purpose because purpose. Whatever it may be, your purpose gives you a reason for getting out of bed with grace and gratitude. Without purpose, we just have more apathy and less energy.
Purpose gives direction. Gives motivation. Confidence. Clarity on values. Which all leads to a more fulfilling life. A reason to be human on this planet. People have purpose for individual growth and for community growth.
According to the internet, “People with purpose live longer, have a better immune system, sleep better, and lower stress levels. Very possibly because there will be ups and downs and acceptance of the downs lead to less stress. Even economic success can be associated with purpose.”
Purpose acts as your north star and awareness of your north star will ensure that you are never lost despite the darkness. Purpose is to find meaning in life and live that meaning!
You don’t have to be saving the world, you just have to be taking a step in a positive, selfless direction. Like Richard Dreyfuss says in What About Bob, “Baby steps.” Deep gratitude!
